Locker Room Talk


I assumed that Locker Room talk is all that well – boys talk about. I figured it’d be where my 9th grader would be exposed to all that “talk” we didn’t want him to hear. Ends up the locker room is the best conversation. He said that they talk politics, sports, about their classes. Sex, and girls are never a topic of conversation and Gym class, which he has daily, he said is one of his favorite classes and an opportunity to relieve the stress that has built up from his academic classes. I was in shock- the locker room isn’t what they say it is. Or is it just his locker room?

So we began to talk further. Ends up the sex, the girls, the relationships, the rude conversations do happen, just over lunch. He sits at a table that he found the first day of school. He doesn’t have any friends at that table. I think routine is so important for his anxiety that even though as he calls it- he sits with the “asshole” table full of jocks and popular kids who talk a lot during lunch, he remains sitting there to keep his daily routine the same. Meanwhile “the weird kid” (he called himself that in this context) sits at the corner alone doing his homework. I asked him why he didn’t want to change tables and he said it was “interesting to hear what people talk about and it’s a good way to know what is going on at the school.” He also said “Mom- it’s good to know what people spout about. The sex, the girls- it’s just bravado. It’s all bull-shit!”

I am prouder than proud. The “locker room talk” I was worried about does happen but my kid hasn’t fed into it thus far. He’s a respectful young man who I hope will continue to be just like his dad, quiet, thoughtful, with a good heart. I am happy that he enjoys Gym class (I hated it and it was the worst class of my day). I grew up being bullied in gym and made fun of as I was not the most physically gifted person. Quinn is really tall and built like a football player and he is well respected in Gym. I find this so interesting. He’s also like his Dad in this respect. John is tall, and looks like a very sports oriented man but inside he’s a nerd through and through. Quinn is the same and it’s great that he manages to socialize throughout his day, just not at lunch.

So I am not sure what I need to be worried about but what I am glad about is that we have open communication at home. We invite friends over and we hear what they talk about. We are a pretty easy going family and I am open to talking to kids about pretty much anything as long as they bring it up and they are comfortable with it. So far we’ve talked about Sex, politics, Girls, relationships, marriage and parenthood. I haven’t asked my daughter about her locker room yet and I just might and my youngest isn’t there yet. But when he is, I hope he can talk to us about what goes on at school and that he feels comfortable to share it with me or his siblings.

School is just a microcosm of our society. It reflects real people and real life opinions. It’s where we can shape and help our youth to be tolerant and kind. I know my daughter is very vocal about her opinions at lunch with her friends. She has friends of varied cultural and religious backgrounds and she studies about children with disabilities using Ted Talks and You-Tube documentaries. I am very proud of her. After homeschooling for the past 5 years, I am proud that Quinn, Meghan and Cole have integrated into their school communities and that they are willing to share their experiences with us at home.

What’s going on in your kid’s locker rooms? Talk to your kids today, and be sure to ask about lunch conversation! 🙂

Fight for what you believe in


When you think something is unjust, when you feel you need to advocate for your child, do it. Don’t hesitate. Pick up the phone, put pen to paper or send an email and fight for what is right. Recently I got myself in hotwater doing just that. I fought for equality within an organization that is currently all boy and is transitioning to more of a family approach and including girls. Slowly at first but by 2019 sometime it’ll include Girls. I have 2 boys in the All-Boy program and was excited that my daughter could join her brothers. As a family it would be a tremendous opportunity to be in once place on one night at one function, together.

Last week that all changed when news came out that in fact my daughter can join the organization but that we as a family, as a sub-organizational unit will have to start a whole new group that will be all-girl. I was beyond upset. My daughter was beyond upset. She had wanted to join her brothers, be equal to her brothers. That was not the message sent down from the heads of the organization.

This is how I found myself in hot-water. I wrote a letter and I included some loose quotes from the local head of the organization who I had heard in a public forum mention that in fact my daughter could be with her brothers and that this organization in it’s future (years down the road) would eventually become more progressive and would someday be co-ed. I wrote that in my letter. Mind you I had written 2 letters previously to the local head of the organization with no response. So a few days later I composed a letter to the National organization and hit send. No sooner had I done that, I suddenly got emails from the gentleman I quoted. He wanted to sit and talk with me.

I was being called to the principal’s office and it was not a good feeling. I felt awkward and fired up and defensive. I did nothing wrong and I know I didn’t even today. I, out of courtesy, sat down with him and brought a friend who is also a parent in the organization and we sat and we talked. It actually went quite well. I am purposefully not stating what the organization is because I was asked NOT to mention the man I spoke with in public ever again. I still may but for now I will be respectful of our conversation because it turns out- he agrees with me but has to as a professional “tow the company line.”

I want my daughter to be fully included in clubs and organizations. I think the time has come to stop having genders be separate. Apparently there is a lot of research for girls and boys at the teen years to be separated but all I have found is that this research only applies to academic learning and I value that. Girls do learn differently than boys and vice versa but in a youth program that is not academic centered, I don’t understand why boys and girls need to be separated to benefit best from the program.

NO matter what, I will continue to fight for the rights of my daughter and also the rights of my sons. I value my sons having formed great bonds with other boys and that will not change if their sister and her friends join the organization. So whatever your issue is- fight for it. It will get you invited to the table, it will get you involved in the conversation and that is all I wanted. I wanted to be heard.

The Bra Fairy


Well in our house, having a teenage daughter means the tooth fairy gets replaced by the bra fairy. My daughter is 13 and began wearing a simple sports bra a year ago. She’s still able to just wear that type of bra but clearly needs a larger one. Will she try them on? NO.

So my solution, I gauge her size, I give her a hug, I measure her waist for pants (or so I say and maybe just maybe I miss and the measuring tape leaps further north…) and I manage to find out what her size might be? She’s in a women’s large top or medium even though she’s small. She’s got really broad shoulders and is 5′ 3″ tall and 122lbs. She’s in a size 6 pant. I figured that part out at least.

So now, I scan the clearance racks for sports bras. I found some great ones by Jockey. Now the tricky widget is they have to NOT be padded. So I find the ones you can slip the cups out of. I scored last week with 2 – marked at $14 each on sale and they rang up at $1.92/each. This was at Kohls, where I regularly score my bras and hers.

I shop, I drop them into her drawer in the night and the fairy has delivered. YET, the bra fairy is not sure they fit. So I have to strategically plant myself in the hallway when she’s getting dressed in the morning and barge in just as she’s about to put her shirt on. Usually I’m too late but last night, I hit at just the right time and sure enough the bra fairy was RIGHT ON!!! And she proceeded to get 3 more bras right away.

Phew- this bra fairy job is far harder than dropping a few quarters or a buck under the pillow. I’d much rather be a tooth fairy any day of the week.